Skye Alison Welker was born April 2, 2008 at the University of Utah hospital via c-section. She was 5lb. 12oz. and 19 inches long.
So last Tuesday, April 1, we went to our scheduled OB appointment. We all concluded that with the mild pre-eclampsia (high BP, swelling) and IUGR and low AFI, that it was time to deliver! Today. Right now. Go upstairs and be admitted.
Yikes.
We had been waiting for this moment forever, but when she said that, my stomach dropped a few levels. We walked hand in hand to the elevators and up to the second floor to Labor and Delivery. We were both giddy and excited and scared and nervous and pale and sweaty and shaky. We got checked into our room. It was a very strange moment walking in to that room, knowing we would be leaving with our baby girl. It was just an ordinary room, like a hotel room really, with the exception of medical equipment and a baby warmer station in the corner. They showed us in and left us for a minute, told me to get undressed to be hooked to the monitors and basically assume my position in the bed. Benjam and I shared nervous chit-chat about finally being here and what we were about to finally go through, not having the slightest idea what to expect. At this point, we were both fairly remiss about not taking any sort of birthing class. But that time had passed and now we just had to deal with our ignorance and regrettable decision. We made a few phone calls to let people know of the new development and what the plan of action was.
The plan was to be induced. They were to start with Cervidil to soften and elongate my cervix, which was closed, thick and high. It would take about 12 hours to fully take effect. Then we were to start the Pitocin, which was to dilate the cervix and start the laboring process. After which time no one knew how long it would take to dilate fully and deliver.
A doc came in and inserted the Cervidil into my cervix (a pretty painless process) at 6pm and started one of the longest nights of my life. They had made it sound like it wasn’t going to be that big of a deal and that I could probably even sleep through the night. HA! We even ate dinner, and settled into the night. At first, I didn’t feel anything. Docs and nurses came and went, checking in on us, with not much new to report. A few hours into it, I started feeling mild menstrual cramps, but nothing that I hadn’t felt before. I mentioned this to a nurse or doc and they said this was fairly normal. It was still tolerable, just uncomfortable.
I guess it must have been around midnight when things stared picking up in intensity. Usually cramps kind of abate after a while and give a little bit of reprieve in between so you don’t even realize that you are cramping. I was hooked up to the fetal monitor, contraction monitor and an IV of fluids. The fetal monitor was nothing new and we were both very familiar with the sounds and sights of these readings. She looked great with normal accelerations and reactivity. The contraction monitor, was a different story. During all of my NST‘s, this reading was always very quiet and uneventful. But now we both noticed there were peaks and spikes that we both weren’t used to seeing. When we realized what they meant, it seemed to kick things to an entire new level. The peaks were very close to one another and never going back down to the baseline. Meaning, that I was, and had been, having continuous, fairly moderate contractions, not even a minute a part, this entire time. Of course they didn’t mean much as I wasn’t dilated at all. It just meant that the meds were working. But this was not a painless process. My uterus was in a constant state of flexing and there was no end in sight. These pains were extremely painful and only increased by the fact that there was no period of release or let down. So the longer I tolerated them, the more my own strength diminished, along with it my ability to handle them. So I finally surrendered to the IV pain med, Fentanyl. The Fentanyl made me more groggy and sleepy than pain free. It would work for about 15 minutes, or just long enough to keep my mind off of the pain and float in and out of a sleepless slumber. But after a half hour I was just counting down the minutes, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on something else, until I could have another dose, since they only administered the med every hour. After about four or five hours of this ruthless, unrelenting pain, the docs decided to do a cervix check. I was dilated to a one, so they decided to stop the Cervidil and start the Pitocin, about 1-2 hours early. Although this was excruciating, we were both very glad that things were finally progressing and we were hopeful that we would deliver her within the day.
The Pitocin was given through the IV and I was told that this would increase the pace and intensity of the “real” contractions. Great, I thought, it was going to get worse, could actually get worse? But we both just bore down and attempted to roll with the punches as much as possible, knowing we just had to go through it as there was no way around it. So the Pit started kicking up the pain after a few hours. I was just hoping that this meant that I was dilating with each contraction just a little bit. After the night of one-long-contraction, I knew I couldn’t handle just the pain managed with the Fentanyl alone. In some ways, these contractions weren’t as bad (yet!) as the night previous, since I had at least 5 minutes between them so I could rest a little bit. So, with just 1 cm dilated, I decided and agreed with an Epidural. With each contraction that came and went just a little bit stronger and I found myself wondering where in the hell the anesthesiologist was, I realized that I made the right decision. When he finally came in, I felt a huge wave of relief rush over me. No matter what I had heard about the Epi, I could not have cared less at this point. Turns out, it wasn’t that bad to put in. The worse part was trying to breathe through the contractions and hold really still as they tried to find the sweet spot in my spine. Finally, what seemed like days later, he put it in. It took about 15-20 minutes to kick in, and again, I found myself counting down to eternity. But what exquisite relief it finally gave me. Turns out it was to be short-lived relief. After they upped the Pit, the Epi, much to my chagrin, stopped working. They decided the resident had put the Epi to far down or in the wrong place or something. Well, fine, just fix it, I thought and fix it now, I yelled in my head! After the attending anesthesiologist came in and took another painful 45 minutes to find another sweet spot, I thought, free at last! This was sadly not to be the case. The contractions bulldozed their way though the heavy pain medication and brought me to tears, brought me to my knees. Benjam and I just sat in a painful silence as I tried squeezing the pain out through his hand that I was gripping with dear life, and tried to breathe deeply as much as possible, but the pain was too much to bear and I couldn’t believe I just had to sit there and squirm through this nightmare. Finally, some angel from somewhere figured out the problem (I think it was a blocked tube or something in the IV) with the Epi and finally, working along with some Fentanyl, I found a space of peace that I could tolerate what little pain was still making it through.
Now that I was finally able to cope with this labor business, Skye was beginning to not tolerate the contractions so well. She began to decelerate with my contractions and was not showing as much reactivity as they would like. So Wednesday evening, the decision was made to go ahead with a c-section. This was all decided within a matter of minutes as Benjam and I were just coming to terms with having to continue this process for the next 24-48 hours. My family had stopped by to visit just as the docs rushed in with this announcement. The blood rushed out of my face as I started to come to appreciate what this next stage meant of getting Skye out safely. Would they get her in time? Would she be OK? Would I be OK? What was this going to feel like and what was just about to happen?!
Doctors and nurses came out of no where as I tried to focus on what was being said to me as well as what was being done to me in getting prepared for the surgery. I saw someone give Benjam some scrubs and I was very grateful and relieved that he was going to be in there with me. They shoved new drugs in my Epi and the world started to blur to a daze and slowed down and sped up all at the same time. Before I knew it, I was being wheeled past my parents and family into the “moment” of bringing Skye into this world. They brought me to a bright white room and I could only see little beings rushing around in my periphery. Doctors that I suppose I should have recognized spoke to me though masks and I just found myself agreeing to whatever it was that was being said to me. Someone was getting my hands and head taken care of and strapped in, while the rest of the little ants, took care of my numb lower half. I could feel just enough pressure to know where they were working on me, but not enough to know what was being done. Benjam finally came in behind me and spoke to me the thoughts I was thinking. I had a blue sheet about 2 inches in font of me, so I couldn’t see him, nor anything else. I was just going though this with my other senses. Someone asked how we were, to which I don’t remember what we responded, and they said everything was going well and Skye would be here in about ten minutes! We both held our breathe without realizing it as they said this. They tugged and pulled on me and I could tell they were trying to pull her out. Without trying to, I tried to envision my body splayed and split open and the moment they took her out. When will she cry? Where is her cry? Why can’t we hear her crying yet? Surely ten minutes has passed by now. Where is her cry? Did something happen? Is she ok? Where is her cry?!?
Finally, the sweetest, cutest cry I have ever and will ever hear, broke through the medical clatter. Benjam and I just couldn’t handle it any longer and cried right along with her. She was perfect, perfect in every way and what I thought I knew about love was ridiculed as I felt her presence for the first time.