checking on the little one

it’s my shift tonight, as it was last night, and I have to confess that I checked on my little one.

I can pretty much guarantee that anybody who is a parent has checked on their baby once or twice for no other reason than to still their own thoughts. being a parent, I fall into that category. it’s not everyday, and certainly not every hour, but at least once a week I check on her.

I walked into the room, leaned close, and as I did, she made the softest little moan of content you could ever imagine. it was the reason I walked in there, and having my needs met, I gently touched my head to hers and walked out.

this brought me to thinking, as perfectly imperfect as my little one is, and even though I have yet to experience even an inkling of what is to be, I wouldn’t/won’t change it for the world.

if you’ve read the blog, you know that she hasn’t been the best of babies. she has certainly had her moments. moments where there is nothing left to do but scream (both of us, me and her)…  and then she has her other moments, moments where she snuzzles so close I can feel her little heart beating against my chest. or moments where I do something totally ordinary, and completely mundane, like shift my weight on the bed, and she busts out with a laugh like I just told her the best joke in the world, only to look at me like I’m crazy when I try to repeat it.

one thing that she certainly is though, is ours, and that makes every little nuance about her perfect. from the way that she looks like both of us, and neither of us (although it still depends on who you ask), to the way she misses whichever parent is gone for the day, and smiles the biggest smile when you walk in the door, while the lucky parent who got to stay home with her that day says only one word: “Here” as they hand over a child who has been all smiles and cry-crys, all day long, with no breaks, naps barely long enough to take a pee break, and absolutely no chance to do anything remotely productive.

one thing she has started doing in the past couple of days that i totally love, is she’s now telling us all about her dreams from the previous night. if she doesn’t wake up during the night, she usually wakes up around 5:00-5:30 in the morning, and is full-on wide awake. she is sometimes screaming from hunger, but when she isn’t, she gives you the biggest smile when you walk in the room, as if to say “hey guys, wait till you hear what I was just dreaming about”, and then launches into the longest, most in depth story you’ve ever heard. seriously, these stories last for at least a half an hour, probably more. only these stories have no discernible words. but don’t tell her that. it’s her story, and she’s gonna tell it. and it’s amazing to watch, too. you can almost see those little wheels really start to turn as she figures out what to say next.

she is definitely growing, both physically and mentally. she’s learning new tricks everyday (although sometimes she gets them just a little bit wrong) and I can’t wait to see what kind of amazing stuff falls out of that huge noggin of hers.

and that’s the kind of stuff I think about after I check on her.