Let’s be honest here, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit part of me is scared shitless about “The Move”, dun dun dunnnn. As the days move past and January inches closer, I find myself tapping my feet, biting my lip and cracking my knuckles a lot more in anticipation of the unknown.
It is incredibly daunting leaving a perfectly happy and content life right here. It’s very ironic because Benjam, Skye, and even Sammie-Sam provide a source of strength and courage I wouldn’t otherwise have. There is very little chance that I would ever move or travel to a foreign country on my own. I’ve never had the desire, wherewithal, or courage to make it happen. On the other hand, their presence and well-being source most of the worry as well. I have tossed and turned, left and right, center and back, left and right again about it all and have so many questions and doubt. However, once I dig past the layers of nerves, quietly listen to my gut and reflect, all is still and I finally feel confident again. I keep coming back to this gut feeling and it keeps me going until I have another restless night.
Me and my gut have a very close relationship and I listen to it intensely and unquestionably as it has never let me down. When I was a little girl I never dreamed about being a mom or a career women or anything else, I just always wanted to be. Now that I have my family, I realize that I have everything of value that this life could ever possibly offer. I do love my job, and to make a small contribution to society in some minuscule way—even if it is merely supporting brilliant minds—is enticing, don’t get me wrong, but without my heart and soul it would be for naught.
In addition to my family, I do have a really great support system already over there. I have known my boss for almost ten years and we have moved past these work definitions. He’s seen my cry for hell’s sake (not that that’s too shocking since I cry when I get nervous—very professional, I know). I simply adore his family and I trust that he would always be there in a tight spot. Another colleague has already set up shop and he is proving to be a very solid mate. Of course I also can’t forget the family and friends we are leaving behind, and the backbone of support they provide is completely necessary to this adventure as well.
I know there are fantastic friends to be met, yummy wines to be drunk, and beautiful places to explore. All with my best friend, angelic daughter, and clueless dog in tow.
Sigh. OK, I feel better now and hopefully I can get some sleep.
Chelsea – there is something I have been meaning to say to you (and actually Benjam as well for that matter) – I have found this amazing, awesome talent in you (and Benjam) that I never knew existed – You have the most amazing way of expressing yourself (something that I have never in this life been able to do)- you do it so well that I have no doubt that you could write a book – one that people would totally enjoy reading – your words flow so wonderfully – I always knew that you were an amazing, wonderful woman – just didn’t know that you could express your thoughts so well. I love reading your entries – I will enjoy this especially when you are far away – meeting those fantastic friends, drinking that yummy wine and exporing those beautiful places – but I will still miss you all horribly!! I Love You my sweet daughter in law!!
dont leave! ok, nevermind.. you should do it! what a great opportunity. i think i would do it if i got the chance. just make sure that you dont get stuck over there. we will want you back here to raise our kids together.