things nobody tells you when you have a baby, but should

here are a few things I’ve discovered because of my little one, that I didn’t understand before. some of them probably make sense, and some of them you’ve probably heard before, but you don’t really understand them until you have a baby yourself.

1. giving birth is traumatic for everybody (especially the father, and orders of magnitude more so if it’s your first one (or so it seems))
2. always put a clean diaper underneath the dirty one BEFORE you open it
3. immobile babies are WAAAAY better easier than mobile ones
4. teething sucks
5. shot day sucks
6. constipation sucks
7. vacuums suck, and are a necessity (sorry, had to do it =) )
8. nothing smells worse than day old formula… except for maybe day old diapers.
9. there is no mute button
10. a folding table makes a great impromptu barrier
11. anything that stands on its own, and will hold up a toddler, makes a great impromptu barrier
12. remote controls are the best toys, whether you want them to be or not (usually not)
13. anything and everything will be pulled on by the little one to aid in standing or moving forward. this includes: cords, drapes, sheets, clothes, arm hair (shaving your arms is a small price to pay for sanity), face hair, head hair, the dog, the cat, the lamp, the tv, the iPod, the christmas tree, etc.
14. a smile or a giggle will completely change your whole mood for the day
15. …so will a crying, sleepless child at 2 in the morning
16. when baby takes a bath, everyone gets wet
17. loose carpet can, and will, be pulled out by a determined child
18. …and then it goes in the mouth
19. …immediately
20. …along with everything else
21. no matter how many toys are around, the little one will go after the one single thing, across the room, that she can’t have
22. mobile babies are FAST
23. her schedule is your schedule, even if you don’t want to be up at 3 in the morning
24. the diaper pail is small because wet diapers are HEAVY
25. teach them to go down the stairs before they can go up them
26. even though she only weighs 15 lbs, she always seems to find that sweet spot when crawling on you that just kills
27. poo is a perfectly valid topic of conversation at anytime, even during dinner, and the more detailed the better
28. yes, poo in the tub will happen… more than once… guaranteed
29. fart bubbles in the tub are hilarious
30. books are not for reading, they’re for eating
31. forget everything you thought you knew about love
32. it really is the most fun you’ll ever have
33. it really is the most frustrated you’ll ever be
34. there’s no such thing as too many kisses
35. there’s no such thing as personal space
36. it’s okay to want to eat her cheeks
37. …and her hands, and her feetsies, and her little pingers, and her little tosies
38. snuggle time is the best time, but you probably knew that
39. …if you can get her to sit still long enough to get some
40. all the best moments happen right before you hit record, or right after you hit stop

and last, but not least: you really, really, really, honestly, for reals, no lie, not even kidding, will never sleep well again

I’m sure there are a ton of things I missed. so if you have any more good things new parents should know, or things you found out after…  share them in the comments below.