Author: mama

the move

My boss, Michal, has given us the opportunity to move to Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia, for work. He has opened up an EGI office, Energy & Geoscience Laboratory (yellow push-pin in center) there, which is where he is from.

When he first proposed this to me a few years ago, we were pretty apprehensive. Along with my mom’s poor health, Benjam’s work and trying to conceive, it didn’t seem like a good idea. Now, I’m kinda really excited for the adventure and culture shock!

wisdom of a 4 month old

Sometimes I think we are most wise when we are babies. All babies want is to be loved, to be touched with affection and gentle sincerity. Every day is a new opportunity to discover something new and with new challenges to step up to and overcome. Socioeconomics is not yet a part of their vocabulary, neither are the pressures of society, nor of ourselves. Human interaction in it’s simplest, most genuine form is all that is necessary for communication and there are no hidden agendas or reading between the lines in conversations. It is so easy to love babies because there are no expectations, just pure, unconditional love in the highest sense.

I love my baby girl. so. much.

so strong

Skye is so strong all of a sudden. It seems like within a few days she can now hold her head up completely (which is a huge feat since her noggin is huge), lift herself off a flat surface with her chest and arms and she’s rolled over a few times too. She’s even initiating holding her bottle on her own, too. She’s come so far from being a wobbly bobble-head!

work insomnia

Ugh.

In order to elicit an interest in our Black Sea project, my boss wants me to present our work progress at our annual CA (Corporate Associates) meeting in September. We’re not talking the measly 3-5 people at our usual end of project meetings. We’re talking 30-50 head honchos of the world’s biggest oil companies. Not to mention EGI’s director looming in the back with an eager look on his face that I perform well. This isn’t just an GIS presentation either, this is a technical performance on the tectonics and structural history of the region, in addition to our database. Little ‘ol me, playing with the big boys with their big toys.

To say I’m nervous is a slight understatment. Hence my inability to fall asleep.

gratitude

not really sure what i want to say with this entry. i saw the weblog on alli’s site.

www.babymckallister.blogspot.com

i knew i didn’t want to look, but of course, i did. thanks, alli! now i am just filled with a ton of emotion and yet, speechless and don’t really know what i want to say. today was kind of a testing day with skye. she couldn’t be comforted or entertained and i lacked the patience to keep up with her. why. why, after all that i’ve been through can i not just love her with infinite patience? why can i not fulfill her needs on demand and comfort her in the moment she needs it most? her cries can be so, so sad. a cry of deep melancholy. i wish i could just reach deep in her spirit and just know what she needs and deliver it on a silver platter. why is she so sad sometimes? i know babies cry. i know this. but still. why. and why does it affect me so profoundly. the video of the hinkley’s stillborn was unquestionably moving. how grateful am i to hear my daughter’s moody cries, and to be able to even try and comfort her, and receive her comfort in return. a life without skye is one i never want to imagine or live through. but i would, even it if only meant i would have the last 4 months and nothing more. the last short, four months of her life have been undoubtedly, the best of mine. benjam and skye are the most meaningful people this life has given me.  (and our families).  my job, my house, none of it compares to what our little family has together.

our horrific 2 year quiet struggle with infertility, the enduring 2 months of in vitro fertilization procedures, the painfully long 2 weeks waiting for the pregnancy test, the 9 months of pregnancy stress and the last anxious 10 minutes before her birth…every single second was worth just 1 minute of her warm, softness next to mine.

nursery pics

I thought I should post some pics of Skye’s favorite room, hers! I don’t know why, but it’s really calming and relaxing in there. Maybe it’s because so much time and effort went into creating it for her. I still remember vividly Benjam and I talking about how, soon, there would be a little person to fill up all the furniture we had for her, use all the clothes and diapers that were ready to go, and just trying to imagine what she would be like, and if she would ever get here!

nap time

My new favorite time of day is when I put down Skye for her second nap in the morning. The first nap she falls asleep on my morning walk. The second, and only guaranteed nap time, I can set my clock to. We go upstairs to the nursery, close the blinds and turn on some lullabies and have the fan humming in the background. She’s already had a bottle and is sleepy. Her entire body is pressed with the ultimate trust and comfort on the left side of my chest; her diapered bum cupped in my hand; her feet dangling under my supportive arm; the top of her head pressed against my jaw; her right hand grasping my shirt collar; the left hand is balled in a fist; her chin or cheek is resting lazily on my shoulder and her sweet aroma fills my nose. And we just dance and sway in a circle quietly. With each deep breath she exhales, her body becomes more and more limp until she finally falls asleep.

outgrowing the boppy

Skye doesn’t fit in the bobby so much anymore. She used to be able to fit her entire body within the middle. I don’t know what we’ll do when she can’t fit into the only place she’ll nap.

poo, poo, and more poo

I just had my first “poo everywhere” experience.

I had Skye in the swing so that I could do my noon pumping and I got a call from a student at work so I didn’t hear Skye unload what seemed like 3 days worth of crap. After I pumped I picked her up and set her on the boppy so that I could give her her thrush medicine.

At first I thought I just spilled the medicine since it’s the same color as her poo. I did that this morning too–somehow got her medicine all over the lower half of her body. So I thought, great, I did it again. Then I noticed it near her legs and had the “uh oh” moment. There it was. All over the lower half of the left side of her body. She just sat there, happy as a clam, and why not, I always feel better after a big dump, too.

So then I see it on my pants and my arm and her clothes and the blanket. I don’t think I put the diaper on center or something, not that it mattered at that point. I cleaned up a little bit with a paper towel, but that only seemed to make it spread somehow. I took her upstairs to clean her up and had the realization that she probably did this masterpiece while she was in the swing. After I got her all cleaned up, I went to check and sure enough, there in the corner of the swing was the biggest pile of poo yet. Just sitting there in a puddle. Yes, there was enough to make a puddle. A poo puddle. I had to take the padding off of the swing and saw that it was also on the straps that don’t come off easily. So then I went downstairs and added to the laundry that I already did this morning after the medicine mishap all of the above mentioned items painted with her yellow-seeded poo.