Welker Fam

Although these last few months have been pretty crazy, my pregnancy 24-week milestone did not go by unnoticed, and I guess this time around was more anticipated than before. Little guy will be here before we know it!  Hopefully the house will be finished by then…

My Sister Is

If you can’t read Spanish and don’t know how to use a translator, it basically says how awesome my sis is for going down to the mountain that ruined her life to set up 3 rescue equipment caches to prevent the same thing from happening to someone else’s wife. Wahoot, go Amber!!  I am so proud.

Exactly one year ago today, we were sitting in my house, at 4am on a very snowy morning, trying to accept the news of the tragic death of Fede and trying to console one another. It was such a whirlwind of good news then bad news then good then bad, until the worst news came from that phone call, the phone call that started all of us dreading any phone calls at all, as it would turn out. I can remember every bit of it like it was last night, from her scream, to getting a Sunday school primary song stuck in my head, and what we all looked like when the sun slowly came up. The days that followed were merely Auto Pilot days of going through the motions. Soon, Amber went to Argentina and we packed up and moved to Slovakia.

We hugged and waved goodbye (the last time I would ever see Mom) in the airport as we set off for a “great adventure”.  The first morning waking up in Slovakia was miserable. I felt so far from home, trapped in a strange place, sad from the continuous mourning and wondering what in the hell we had just done. It was a cold and dreary time of year to be anywhere fun. We tried to embrace it as best as we could and slowly each day was a little easier than the last.

It was always really hard being away from the family, especially during the loss. But we tried to explore Bratislava and some of Central Europe. We went to impressive Vienna, story-book Prague, lovely Budapest, take-your-breath-away Rome, the gorgeous Italian Coastline, and stunning Salzburg to name the most memorable few. The excitement of the train rides and stepping into a new, undiscovered country was thrilling and worth the sacrifice of being away from home.

Then we got another phone call. This time my sweet, dear, Grandma died. Grandma Weazy (because we couldn’t pronounce Louise) who was always smiling when she saw us and whose house smelled like brown sugar and warm milk. Then another call: Fede’s dad passed away. Each call would bring reality crashing down and the longing of being close to family. We made it through the spring and summer, a most beautiful time in Bratislava. Sis came out to visit and lifted my spirits of longing for home, even though she was still in turmoil and trying to get the El Fede Foundation off the ground.

Weather started to turn drab again and the excitement of being in a new land was wearing off and the excitement of going home was taking over. It was really nice just being with our cute, little family and we created some memories that will last forever, but we were getting anxious. We still had one big preoccupation with Europe and that was the fertility treatments and surprising pregnancy of Baby Boy, who loved to make me very nauseous. Long days of throwing up were not making the days go by any faster.

It was one very sick morning when I got the next terrible phone call. Actually, I got two emails to call home. The pit in my stomach and weight of that pit almost made it impossible to dial home. The words of Mom’s death are still crystal clear in my head and the absolute, very deep sense of loss remain with me, only 2 months later. There just isn’t quite any way to describe that kind of loss and the shift that takes place where that void is created. We left Slovakia within a few days. Just like, left our second home and said goodbye through tears of what lie ahead. We started our move with a death in the family and it ended it the same way. Oh yeah, and then Michal Jackson died and it really rocked my world. *rolls eyes”

The homecoming was obviously bittersweet. It felt wonderful to embrace loved ones while sobbing over the loss the Mom. I practically hyperventilated walking in Mom and Dad’s house the first time and the immense sadness of the reality of life without Mom and what that really meant for our entire family was setting in.

The only bright spot of light during this time was the growing life inside of me. I felt such an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my own, sometimes guilt-ridden, sense of good fortune of having my wonderful, loving husband, precious Skye, and growing healthy boy making it all complete. All of my families have grown closer and shared more love, and I am indeed blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people. I love them all so much, it’s hard to bear sometimes because of the thought of getting another phone call. I can’t even continue describing how I feel about them all without getting teary-eyed and choked up.

So the heavy sadness still looms, but the bright spots of joy from family and friends have made it easier to survive and cope with a very, unforgettable year.

Um, yeah, this pretty much still sucks.

The profound sadness of losing your mom is very enduring.
The sudden loss of Mom never seems to get any easier. The reality never quite sets in deep enough to the point that I don’t think there is someway to go back and make it not so. Since I have been living back at home and see her and our childhood everywhere, she is always on my mind and her lack of presence is very heavy. On top of the grieving,  I have also been really sick from a terrible cold and the pregnancy and my heart just yells for her to come comfort me the only way a mom knows how. I feel like a child again with a boo-boo that I want my mommy to kiss better. The things she is missing from watching Skye toddle around the house just makes the sadness more intense. I find myself clinging to Skye more and the mother-daughter love that I am now without, from my one and only Mom. I too toddle around the house, staring at walls and unable to do anything productive at all. For some reason, it’s very difficult to reach-out, call, or email people back, but I appreciate everyone that has sent condolences.

Maybe they get wifi where she is and she knows how much we completely, absolutely and whole-heartedly love and miss her.

It is the eve of our departure for our big move back home. I feel compelled to say something about our time over here, since it has been so significant. Unfortunately, circumstances have severely rendered me incapable of doing any such thing.

My Mom passed away on Monday after a long struggle with illness. The funeral is Monday, and as such, we will be home on Saturday.

-chelsea

So I just made chocolate chip cookie bars (we don’t have a cookie sheet) with the following:

• “flour” but I have no idea what kind of flour
• sugar
• brown sugar – which was in the British or foreign food aisle
• baking powder – they have baking soda, we just didn’t have any
• cut up chocolate bar
• no vanilla
• wrong size of baking pan

We’ll see how this turns out…

Also, they have milk here, but it’s too different to drink plain and we rarely have room to buy vanilla ice cream. Yumm, chocolate chip cookies and water!

On a side note, Skye got some now pink Adidas that are pretty cute on her. Pics to follow.