Category: family life

32 years old!

Yikes! Another year gone by, quicker than the last!  With Skye here, time is relentless, and is cruising by at warp speed. That reminds me how much I miss any new Star Trek TV and movies. The new movie will be awesome, I’m sure, but it won’t be the same without Data and that cast.  :(

Ha! Wow, anyways, yeah, the big 3-2!  Well my 30th bday was a little rough emotionally, but what a difference 2 years makes. My life is full, and I can sincerely think of nothing I want, but continued good health for my family and friends. Maybe that’s why I am taking on Europe. I’m finally at a place where I can ask the universe, what else does this big world offer, now that I have it all?  A strange little country on the edge of the world?  OK, we’ll try that.

Here’s to the next two years being as full as the last!

period. the end.

So my menses finally returned, after almost a year and a half reprieve. It’s just as fun as I remember. Skye is just over 5 months and I stopped pumping a week or two ago, so it makes sense. It also makes me think back to the last time I had it, and ultimately back to when we first started trying to conceive. The time it takes to think about this, and the little memory flashes that go with it, do not do the length of time justice. It was 3 years ago, on our honeymoon in Hawaii. I remember we were driving up a windy road to a black sand beach and I was a little nauseous, thinking, This is it!  I was so extremely ignorant of the womanly processes, but also very eager to have a baby, that I actually thought I could be pregnant on the honeymoon, from the honeymoon. I was quickly educated over the next few months as we bought a thermometer, cycle calender, and the like. All that is left of that time is the agony of getting my menses month after month, endless waiting for everything, and thinking that it would never, ever happen. Well, that and the Beautiful, Perfect Baby Girl we were blessed with. I hate to think that this precious time with her right now will one day flash before my eyes in a matter of milliseconds.

skye’s first camping trip

Over labor day weekend, we went up the Unitah’s for an overnight camping outing. I had no idea what to expect with a 5-month old, and I still have mixed feelings about it. It was really nice to get up there, be around camp fire and dirt, ride the 4-wheelers, hang out with the family, and do the outdoorsy thing. My parents recently bought a used camper, which is the only reason we even considered going. It was very nice to have the indoors to go to when it got too buggy, too cold, or too smokey. I’m pretty sure Skye had a great time, since she loves being outside.

However, she had two stressed out parents once the sun went down. First of all, at our house, we have a constant glow of nightlights in every room we use past midnight. In the camper, it was black. Pitch black. Skye co-slept with me, but I haven’t done this since she was born and I couldn’t see her at all. Nothing. Not even her silhouette. I could not sleep all night in fear that I was mashing a pillow or blanket in her face. Benjam recently read a SIDS article and was kind enough to cite his concerns about the camping situation. So then I had to keep putting, well finding first with my hand in the dark, my hand on her stomach to make sure she was breathing. Usually my hand would find her nose first, then her freezing hands and then finally her slightly pulsing belly. She actually slept really well, only stirring a few times. I had the bottle of water and formula ready in hand for the exact moment she needed it, so I wouldn’t’ disturb the rest of the camper. At least she got some sleep, because I sure know I didn’t. My eyes were burning and stinging with fatigue by the time the sun finally rose.

I think we’ll wait a little longer before trying to tackle her second outdoor adventure. Or at least find battery operated nightlights.

checking on the little one

it’s my shift tonight, as it was last night, and I have to confess that I checked on my little one.

I can pretty much guarantee that anybody who is a parent has checked on their baby once or twice for no other reason than to still their own thoughts. being a parent, I fall into that category. it’s not everyday, and certainly not every hour, but at least once a week I check on her.

I walked into the room, leaned close, and as I did, she made the softest little moan of content you could ever imagine. it was the reason I walked in there, and having my needs met, I gently touched my head to hers and walked out.

Continue reading “checking on the little one”

the move

My boss, Michal, has given us the opportunity to move to Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia, for work. He has opened up an EGI office, Energy & Geoscience Laboratory (yellow push-pin in center) there, which is where he is from.

When he first proposed this to me a few years ago, we were pretty apprehensive. Along with my mom’s poor health, Benjam’s work and trying to conceive, it didn’t seem like a good idea. Now, I’m kinda really excited for the adventure and culture shock!

so strong

Skye is so strong all of a sudden. It seems like within a few days she can now hold her head up completely (which is a huge feat since her noggin is huge), lift herself off a flat surface with her chest and arms and she’s rolled over a few times too. She’s even initiating holding her bottle on her own, too. She’s come so far from being a wobbly bobble-head!

gratitude

not really sure what i want to say with this entry. i saw the weblog on alli’s site.

www.babymckallister.blogspot.com

i knew i didn’t want to look, but of course, i did. thanks, alli! now i am just filled with a ton of emotion and yet, speechless and don’t really know what i want to say. today was kind of a testing day with skye. she couldn’t be comforted or entertained and i lacked the patience to keep up with her. why. why, after all that i’ve been through can i not just love her with infinite patience? why can i not fulfill her needs on demand and comfort her in the moment she needs it most? her cries can be so, so sad. a cry of deep melancholy. i wish i could just reach deep in her spirit and just know what she needs and deliver it on a silver platter. why is she so sad sometimes? i know babies cry. i know this. but still. why. and why does it affect me so profoundly. the video of the hinkley’s stillborn was unquestionably moving. how grateful am i to hear my daughter’s moody cries, and to be able to even try and comfort her, and receive her comfort in return. a life without skye is one i never want to imagine or live through. but i would, even it if only meant i would have the last 4 months and nothing more. the last short, four months of her life have been undoubtedly, the best of mine. benjam and skye are the most meaningful people this life has given me.  (and our families).  my job, my house, none of it compares to what our little family has together.

our horrific 2 year quiet struggle with infertility, the enduring 2 months of in vitro fertilization procedures, the painfully long 2 weeks waiting for the pregnancy test, the 9 months of pregnancy stress and the last anxious 10 minutes before her birth…every single second was worth just 1 minute of her warm, softness next to mine.

cuter and cuter

I’m sitting here at work, watching my picture frame flip through pictures of my little girl, and came to a strange realization…   she’s not as cute as I thought she was when she was younger.

It may be (and probably is) because she has become so much more adorable, but it is strange to look at pictures of her as a teeny infant and think, hmmm…  not quite as cute as I remember. It may be because I mentally photoshop her current face, mannerisms, and personality onto a smaller body and when I look at younger pictures of her, they’re not what I have in my head, and the difference is what is throwing me, not that she’s not as cute, just different.

But don’t get me wrong, she has been, and always will be the cutest baby I’ve ever seen…  it’s just my memory of her is changing, as most memories do over time.

It’s a good thing cameras were invented.

Now someone just needs to invent a way to capture the smell of the moment along with the image, then when you go back and look at the image, you can smell it, too. Because, as you may have noticed, whenever you smell something from your past, the memory becomes so much more vivid, and real. So much so that you are practically transported back to the moment, with all the emotions, faces, thoughts, and everything else that goes with it. Time travel is possible, you just need to find the right smell.

But I digress. Point is… my little Skyeberry, cute as she was, was not as adorable as she is now, and is getting cuter and cuter all the time.